Spanking

I am not that radical/opinionated when it comes to breastfeeding or co-sleeping (I really do believe some children enjoy their own space), but what I am highly against is spanking. Mostly because it has very little effect and hurts the relationship between parent and child.

I will admit, I did spank Teodor twice, very slightly, it was not physically hurtful, but mentally yes, for both of us. Once, when he was about 8 months and kept rolling on his belly and was crawling away. For the millionth time. Making him sleep was an all-evening job, so I lost it and hit him a bit. He looked at me in disbelief and I felt horrible. That spank didn't change a thing. He started crying and I started apologizing. Second time I spanked him was when he was a bit older and was pulling Charlie's hair for the millionth time. Annoying. How many times did I tell him to pet the dog instead of pulling his hair? (and how many times did I ask the dog to leave?) Well, that time he didn't cry, but I felt terrible and it didn't change a thing. I realized in both cases I felt powerless and hitting him made me feel powerful, just for a second or something (and then I felt powerless, again). When I came to this conclusion that I am hitting out of the lack of other options, I swore to myself never do it again. 

There are hundreds of studies on the topic, spanking your child's hands while they are exploring the world around them stops them from exploring, which is something I can't allow (as I am raising "super-human montessori baby"), studies also show that it has very little effect (how many times did you do something forbidden if you knew your parents are not watching?), studies revealing that spanking creates a distance between the child and the adult (child is planning a revenge or something instead of thinking of what they did) and mostly it shows that it is ok for big people hit small people (children see, children do). 

I guess spanking is an easy method how to stop your child doing something short-term. It is easy to use. It shows the child you are the boss (but I can never allow my child to be afraid of me, I remember being scared of my own parents and even now, I sometimes am. WTF? I am an adult fearing another adult!), but it doesn't teach your child anything except of finding ways around or how to push your buttons (personally remember the triumphant feelings when I made my mum so angry that she was spanking me - I felt so powerful because I made her lose it - never ever want to get into these power fights with Teodor). 

I did a lot of reading when he was about 9 months and found other ways how to give him limits without spanking. Surprisingly finding compromises seems to be much easier than those power fights, Teodor seems to be a very strong-willed child, so fighting about who's gonna win is exhausting. Plus without such arguments, we have a very peaceful household...

Some people pre-see that I won't be able to hold on this when the "terrible-two" come or when he gets a sibling. We'll see, but I hope I will not disappoint myself.