Our tricks how we keep it calm

Even though Teodor seems to be quite choleric (both his parents are), I'm starting to think we have a very calm household compared to other families with the similar aged toddlers.

So here is a list of tricks how we do it.

• Right nutrition - very little sugars and generally we try to limit the junk to minimum; he is still breastfed and gets fish oil on a regular basis (both very important sources of DHA acid, which is proved to have a calming effect on children)
• Lots of time-ins
• Lots of win time for him - The Happiest Toddler on the Block book suggests that "fair" means for toddler that he wins 90% of time...I love the idea and try to stick to it.
• I don't get bothered by "smallies", unimportant things, like e.g. if he spills something, I don't let it get to me, I try to look at it from wider perspective and we clean it together. I am pretty sure he doesn't spill water on the floor just because he wants to irritate me. There are millions things every day he considers important and which I could let bother me...but usually I don't. I always try think about the bigger picture, about him being this young, him discovering the world...for example he starts whining the moment I say "we are going out". When he is dressed, he starts signing "motorbike" and cries "brm brm brm" like we were going to leave it at home...He stops the whining only when we get out of the entrance door and I place the motorbike on the floor. Another example of a smallie is his love for being nude at home. I could spend a lot of nerves on negotiating with him or I can just do it as he wishes hoping he wouldn't get cold (he does sometimes, but never got a runny nose from it or anything else). I am mostly doing what he wants, which gives him those 90% of winning, and therefore he is willing to cooperate on the bigger, important things. 
• Right communication techniques - "no" is not the word to use if you want your child stop doing something. 
• Calm family environment - children mostly reflect their parents, right? Having a functioning family is, in my opinion, a great help.Another thing: If I am tired, I tend to get worked up easier, and so is Teodor less mentally stable, so I try to keep myself relaxed, well-rested, the unwashed dishes won't go anywhere (experience confirms that).

Time-in

Time-ins as contrast to time-outs were used in The Happiest Toddler on the Block book and I just love the term and how it describes what I kinda knew from the beginning.

I noticed when I babywore baby Teodor for several hours, usually outside of home, when we came back home, he was happy to play on his own for quite long. Unlike when we were home and he was not getting my full attention all day long.

Today morning Teodor didn't wake up in the best mood, so I decided to take him on his motorbike to our local shop (around 2km) because he loves being outside and ride his motorbike. But he was so slow, he would stop every few metres pointing at something. The more worked up I was getting, the slower he was. Then I realized this was not working and we were both going to end up screaming. I remembered dr. Karp and decided to try time-ins. So I tried playing the boob (was running next to him pretending he was super-fast and I couldn't keep up with him, he was laughing his head off), I gave him hi5 when he reached me or a hug and kisses, I was massaging his back while riding...and it worked. He gradually stopped stopping every few metres and at the end of our trip he was going continuously. Win-win. 

The point is that if you want to reduce the number of tamtrums, lots of time-ins are a great way how to reach the goal. It makes sense, I am also willing to cooperate more with somebody who is nice to me most of the time than somebody who ignores me a lot (and I suppose ignoring is much more annoying for a toddler than for an adult). 

Jak si čteme

Napadlo mě natočit video, jak si s Teodorkem čteme knížku, hlavně proto, že se mi strašně líbí ten komunikativní rozměr, co spolu máme (možná, že si to nalhávám?), není to takové to, že já ho zkouším (jak dělá kravička? kde je traktor?), ale spíš je to o tom, že on mi vypráví a já mu to převádím do své řeči. Sebechvále zdar! :)

Personal care: self-feeding

We are trying this thing that he is cutting his own snacks - it doesn't work as well as I hoped for because:
1) he still puts too much of food in his mouth making it impossible to swallow
2) he is a super-slow eater, so in a dozen of minutes, he gets bored and needs a change of activity

He loved the cutting. Not that he was very good at it but he had so much fun with it. And I guess that is what matters.

Elimination communication

Elimination communication (Bezplenková komunikační metoda) was together with baby signing a thing I had no wish to try, I thought it was for bored mothers, I didn't believe a working woman in Peru or somewhere in Africa has time to deal with her baby's excretory system. Anyway, then Teodor was born and he was a super-gassy baby. Pooping was only possible when I held him above the sink and that was the start of this incredible journey of having pee puddles everywhere (not that much of the poop, though).
At the age of 15 monts I can say he is potty-trained (more accurately sink-trained, he is getting used to using the potty now) during the day, he can control his sphincter muscles and there has been no pushing him (you just get used to having pee everywhere because I stopped giving him diapers when he was around 7 months and started crawling, it was for keeping us both sane) - he has never spent more than a minute above the sink waiting for the pee or poop.
Anyway, I am in a search for underwear fitting him, it seems like the producers assume such young/small babies are not very profitable customers, so there is no point offer underpants in smaller sizes.

Big boy

I am seriously moved when seeing him going on his motorbike. He is no longer a baby, he is a little boy. It is such an exciting journey.

Every day he becomes faster and faster, we go further and further...does it mean one day we will be able to get places fast? The other day I tried to take the motorbike with us when running errands, it worked surprisingly well, definitely much better than I expected. He followed me in the shop, nobody had any comments like that riding a motorbike is not allowed, they smiled at him instead. Seriously, this baby's smile melts everyone's heart! Even the toughest Estonian will start smiling at him after a while.

I am so proud of our baby boy.

Since I posted about him sleeping well, things changed downside again, so I am not going to blog about his sleeping ever again!

Spanking

I am not that radical/opinionated when it comes to breastfeeding or co-sleeping (I really do believe some children enjoy their own space), but what I am highly against is spanking. Mostly because it has very little effect and hurts the relationship between parent and child.

I will admit, I did spank Teodor twice, very slightly, it was not physically hurtful, but mentally yes, for both of us. Once, when he was about 8 months and kept rolling on his belly and was crawling away. For the millionth time. Making him sleep was an all-evening job, so I lost it and hit him a bit. He looked at me in disbelief and I felt horrible. That spank didn't change a thing. He started crying and I started apologizing. Second time I spanked him was when he was a bit older and was pulling Charlie's hair for the millionth time. Annoying. How many times did I tell him to pet the dog instead of pulling his hair? (and how many times did I ask the dog to leave?) Well, that time he didn't cry, but I felt terrible and it didn't change a thing. I realized in both cases I felt powerless and hitting him made me feel powerful, just for a second or something (and then I felt powerless, again). When I came to this conclusion that I am hitting out of the lack of other options, I swore to myself never do it again. 

There are hundreds of studies on the topic, spanking your child's hands while they are exploring the world around them stops them from exploring, which is something I can't allow (as I am raising "super-human montessori baby"), studies also show that it has very little effect (how many times did you do something forbidden if you knew your parents are not watching?), studies revealing that spanking creates a distance between the child and the adult (child is planning a revenge or something instead of thinking of what they did) and mostly it shows that it is ok for big people hit small people (children see, children do). 

I guess spanking is an easy method how to stop your child doing something short-term. It is easy to use. It shows the child you are the boss (but I can never allow my child to be afraid of me, I remember being scared of my own parents and even now, I sometimes am. WTF? I am an adult fearing another adult!), but it doesn't teach your child anything except of finding ways around or how to push your buttons (personally remember the triumphant feelings when I made my mum so angry that she was spanking me - I felt so powerful because I made her lose it - never ever want to get into these power fights with Teodor). 

I did a lot of reading when he was about 9 months and found other ways how to give him limits without spanking. Surprisingly finding compromises seems to be much easier than those power fights, Teodor seems to be a very strong-willed child, so fighting about who's gonna win is exhausting. Plus without such arguments, we have a very peaceful household...

Some people pre-see that I won't be able to hold on this when the "terrible-two" come or when he gets a sibling. We'll see, but I hope I will not disappoint myself.

Twinkle, twinkle little star...

I let all the sleep training pieces of advice and expectations go and make him sleep in the carrier while cleaning the kitchen in the evening. Surprise, surprise, it works like a magic spell :-) He is asleep in 10 minutes without any problem. Why did I let it get into my head that he should be falling asleep in the bed, not by babywearing? In addition to saved hour of time, our kitchen is clean :)

I guess there is no point worrying about the future because, well, you never know what comes the next. 

Our day

For some reason I took a lot of pictures of him today, so here is our day in pictures :)

Morning playtime. The train, aniamls and car are his favourite.

He put the doll on the horse...

...and started walking with the horse. He also loves moving the animals from one side of the tracks to another

Rainy morning walk aka "mom, give me the camera"

Afternoon nap. I tripped over something when taking this picture and woke him up.

Picking up blueberries, great activity for hand-eye coordination

Trying to walk on a log

He is constantly talking and gesticulating. Not that I understand him :)

Dinner, he can eat spaghetti now. So proud.

Lidská bytost

Někdy mi přijde, že my dospělí zapomínáme na to, že i děti jsou lidské bytosti a že jejich prožívání je reálné. Jako malá jsem svěřovala mámě svá velká tajemství a ona je vesele roztrubovala dál, protože jí přišla vtipná. No, dneska bych to viděla stejně, ale jsem rozhodnutá brát Teodorovi emoce vážně. Vzpomínám si totiž, jak mě to vždycky zranilo. A taky si pamatuju, jak mě to mrzelo, když máma návštěvám vyprávěla o mě, i když jsem stála vedle. Jako kdybych neexistovala.

Když jsme byli na návštěvě v Česku, moje máma každému, koho potkala, v přítomnosti vnoučka vyprávěla, že jeho uspání je nadlidský úkol, ač ze začátku to nebylo o nic náročnější než jsem byla zvyklá. Postupem času se uspávání proměnilo opravdu v horor - že by tam byla souvislost? To samé s jídlem, čím víc o tom mluvila v jeho přítomnosti, tím to bylo horší.

Téma, nad kterým hodně přemýšlím, jak je to možné, že my dospělí nejsme schopní brát děti vážně? Proč si myslíme, že nám nerozumí, i když máme hmatatelné důkazy, že ví, co říkáme? Proč o nich mluvíme negativně v jejich přítomnosti? Nedávno jsem byla na návštěvě u kamarádky, její tříletý synek vyprávěl, jakej je borec a ona ho hned zchladila, že se včera v noci bál jít sám po chodbě, věřím, že to nemyslela zle, asi si to ani neuvědomila, ale přesto mi toho klučíka bylo líto. On se na mě snažil zapůsobit svým vyprávěním o svých super-schopnostech a ona prozradí jeho slabou stránku. Jak je možné, že spousta rodičů nedokáže brát děti jako lidské bytosti s důstojností? Proč se k nim nedokáží chovat s úctou? Přiznám se, že i do našeho vztahu s Teodorem se občas vkrade stín mého dětství, kdy mám tendence mu naznačovat, že je neschopný (že něco rozlil, například) nebo mít takové ty průpovídky jako měli moji rodiče (obzvlášť s těmi sarkastickými bojuji). Je to tak těžké respektovat, že dítě něco nechce a snažit se s ním nějak domluvit místo toho, abych ho nutila násilím udělat to, co chci já? Víte, ono se i s ročním dítětem dá domluvit, jsme s Téčkem toho živým důkazem a stojím si za tím, že to tak je dobře. Dávám mu tím najevo, že jeho potřeby jsou pro mě důležité (ač někdy nepochopitelné), momentálně miluje přecházení silnice, takže mu vyhovím v tom, že přecházíme, ale musíme na přechod. Přijdu si u toho jako trotl, ale doufám, že se toho nabaží a do silnice mi v budoucnu neuteče (co je zajímavé, že pokud je semafor, tak ví, že musí počkat, pokud není semafor, tak se do silnice hrne) - uvidíme.

Nemluvte o svých dětech negativně v jejich přítomnosti, neříkejte věci, které vám s důvěřou svěřili, berte jejich emoce a potřeby vážně, aby z nich vyrostli dospělí lidé bez komplexů a budoval se tak lepší svět:)

Ono se to netýká jen toho, jak se chováme ke svým dětem, že. Před nějakým časem jsem byla svědkem na jedné oslavě, kdy manželka vyprávěla pro pobavení nějaké trapné historky svého muže, který seděl vedle a tak trochu nuceně se smál. Kam se poděl respekt k manželovi, k jeho důstojnosti? Jaký to mělo užitek? Že řeč nestála? Takže asi tak se cítí vaše batolátko, když mluvíte o tom, jak něco rozlilo nebo že zase nejedl brokolici. Akorát dítě se neumí bránit, to své rodiče bezmezně miluje, aspoň do puberty, zatímco manželé si to po párty vyříkají, nebo to bude další trhlina v jejich vztahu, případně v sebepojetí toho jedince.

Look at him go

We love LOVE MyMayu Muddy Munchkins! 

Sand is not water

Today we took his ESL stacking cups we usually use in the bath to the playground. What a surprise for me that he did the same stuff with them like he normally does in the bath and whoops, there were no bubbles (those cups have tiny holes, so if you press the cup against the water, bubbles appear) or he was not able to get the cup under the sand just by pushing it down. So interesting to watch. He seemed to have a lot of fun discovering the differences, too. Then some older kids came, and smiled at him because he was tasting the sand, which encouraged him to eat more. Yay for sandy poop tomorrow! :)

(no pictures of the exciting journey because I didn't have a camera with)

Back to normal

I was complaining about making him sleep a month ago, it was annoyingly long and seemed not to be working very well, but since we came back to Estonia, things are working out for me so much better.

I cut his day-naps to one. We spend a lot of time outside, we walk a lot and there is no activity between food and bedtime, we read before bed if he doesn't want to nurse as soon as we get to bed. He is usually so tired that there is no trouble with falling asleep. He doesn't remember his dad that much (he does remember him, but he doesn't seem to fully remember waiting for him instead of falling asleep), so he is not waiting for him and is not fighting the sleep.

Waldorf blocks

They are a huge success, my baby is building towers!!!!

Whenever I bring the box, he is so eager to build. The only downside is that it's kinda messy, will have to clean the wood somehow. 

My parents can't really get over the fact that such a simple and cheap toy (my dad made it himself) is being enjoyed so much by their grandson.

Bath-time is saved!!!!

Thanks to this toy:

It made him busy, so he forgot to scream and was playing happily with it for the rest of the bath-time. The next time it worked from the beginning. Win-win for both of us.

He got it for his first birthday, he liked it immediately, but he couldn't press the button properly or turn the tap, so he got so frustrated with this toy that every bath-time ended up in screaming, which meant only one thing - it had to disappear from the bath. And it did. And now it found its way back to the bath. 

There is one more thing which make me super-happy about this toy, he is trying to pour water inside of it, he is not very successful at it, but working slowly towards it. Pouring water in a certain direction is a rocket science for a 15-month old.