"We hit neither people*, nor animals," I was telling him while holding his hand firmly, probably more than necessary, as he was about to hit his sister...and then I stopped. I realized what I was saying and started reflecting on my own behaviour. That evening I was so pissed with him because he flooded the bathroom (which was not such a problem, it's a bathroom, right?) but the water also got under our hall floor, which is not very water-friendly, so I didn't behave very nicely to him.
I am strong believer in raising children by modelling the right behaviour and explaining/experiencing the consequences of each action rather than punishing him or playing power games. He has the right to be annoyed by his little sister, especially in the evenings (she sleeps most of the day, so he has no problem with her during that time) when he is tired and she is screaming...And then I was thinking about myself, that sometimes I am tired and/or hungry and then I'm also not very user-friendly...he has the right to be a whiny toddler when feeling so...In addition to the fact that toddlers cannot control their emotions so well as I can.
I started telling him that if he is angry/annoyed or wants to hit his sister, he should hit a pillow. He doesn't like this solution but maybe once he'll go with it. I also try to verbalize his feelings but I'm not sure how much he understands. Today he tried to push her down from the bed because he probably wanted me only for himself. And I understand it but I'm not sure how to deal with it, there is only one me and two children. I'm also questioning the piece of advice that one should pay a lot of attention to the older child because I was the younger, mostly over-looked, sibling in the family...don't both children have right to have some undivided attention? I sometimes want to cuddle with Anastasia, enjoy her first smiles but I feel guilty because of Teodor being nearby probably feeling neglected...on the other hand, he is getting way more cuddles than before she was born (he finally wants to cuddle, he didn't before her arrival). It's kinda difficult to balance this stuff.
My point is that I'm trying to watch my own behaviour towards him, so I'm not the one who is aggressive telling him not to be aggressive.
*Later I also realized that he probably doesn't consider his sister as "people" and should use "Stázka, Charlie,..." instead
The thing with giving attention to both children.. Of course, both children deserve attention. But the thing is, that the baby gets your attention (a lot! You breastfeed her, babywear her, cuddle her..) anyway. And the one missing out is the toddler.
ReplyDeleteThe argument, that he "got a lot of undivided attention before she was born" just makes it worse, because now you are taking attention away from him.
Good luck!
I would say he doesn't get less attention than before, I'd even say he gets more of it...it's multitasking, A.'s getting her attention by babywearing, him by me having my hands free...of course, evenings are the most challenging because everybody's tired and T. would probably enjoyed the undivided attention but his sister doesn't have the intentions of sleeping at that time.
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