Challenging weeks

Sometimes I swear if I hear "brm brm brm" or "sh-sh-sh" one more time, I'm going to lose it. Well, I hear it a lot, he actually starts talking when wakes up and is almost done by the time he falls asleep, but he also speaks at night. Man, that's annoying. I don't care how important it is for the development of his speech...mamma needs some minutes of silence. Seriously. On Wednesday he made a morning-drunk guy on the tram really pissed by his constant syllable talking. On Thursday it was public holiday in Estonia and his dad took him out for an hour. One hour of silence. Wonderful.

His constant talking is annoyance number 1. Number two is definitely him being so clingy. I am seriously not allowed to sit in front of my laptop when he's awake. He requires me being present at whatever he is doing and listen to him talking and then me translating it into my adult language. I hate the two-piece puzzles he loves now (a perfect opportunity to listen to more "brm brm brm" and "sh-sh-sh" and "rrrrrrrr"), the memory game (lots of animals he loves to name and sign), I hate the train (sh-sh-sh), I seriously can't stand the train, the wooden Brio train is even sleeping with us in case he wants to play with it at night (isn't it wonderful to listen to sh-sh-sh at 2:30am?), I am quite ok with him drawing - even though he is constantly asking me to draw him "sh-sh-sh" :-) Luckily, if I refuse, he has no problems to draw it himself and ask me again to draw it for him, I guess he doesn't care that much what we are drawing, he just loves to talk (tell me what to draw).

I found out that "brm brm brm" is more bearable in the open space, so we go outside a lot just to save me from a meltdown.

Kidnergarten - Day 4

We ditched the kindergarten today as it seemed the outcome is not worth the effort (commute there, be there, buy food, go home with an over-tired toddler).

An early bird catches the worm

I really don't get it after whom he is such an early riser. His both parents are such sleep-lovers. This whole week he has been waking up before 6, more like little after 5, today even before 5am, the only exception he made on Tuesday, then he woke up at 6:30, but it was only because he was screaming from 22 till midnight. Is there anything which can be done about it? I moved his bedtime half hour later, of course it didn't help, but it should soon, no? How is he supposed to go to the kindergarten if he wakes up so early? Would a week of a total exhaustion help? 

I tried today a "stone tactic" - not successfully - I had to sing to keep him from screaming, fell asleep several times (him probably too), but were awake in a few minutes...after an hour, I gave up. A little bit later I put him in Tula and he's sleeping on my back...I don't dare to put him down because he might wake up and the screaming party might start again.

I hope it is just a phase, which is going to pass very very soon. And we have high hopes for the second baby, we are sure it is going to be a super-sleeper to make up for all those adventures we have with its brother.

Kindergarten - Day 1

Warning: It is a very detailed description, probably nobody really cares :))


We are sleeping like hamsters again meaning Teodor is sleeping glued to me and Charlie is somewhere around my head (sometimes he tries to fit between me and Teodor waking us both up), so this morning, at about 5:30, I moved a bit, Teodor instinctively pulled my nose and he was up. Great. The plan was to come to the kindergarten around 9, eat and go outside, but when he wakes up this early, it is almost impossible to keep him awake till 11, we usually go to sleep at around 9.

After a walk with Charlie, little bit after 7am, I tried to make him sleep in Tula, hoping he'd take a 40-min nap and would be up just to catch our 8:05 bus. At 7:30, I gave up because if he fell asleep this late, we would miss the bus and we would miss the first day in the kindergarten (not going was one of the options, but the thing is that waking up before 6am is so usual that he might never go there).

Even the dad woke up and we all took 8:05 bus, Teodor was in Tula, me hoping he'd nap all the way to the city centre. He took a five-minute nap. He was totally not following my plan. On a totally different topic, we decided to buy a car because having two very young children and have only public transport option just doesn't feel right any more, so all the way to the city centre, we were watching cars and discussing which one we should get. Haven't agreed on anything, though.

Arrived to the kindergarten, Teodor did remember the place, no hesitations to go in, no panic that there was another toddler in the changing room, everything went well. We came just in time for breakfast, Teodor refused to sit (he is not used to sitting on a small chair), so I fed him standing. For some reason they have adult-sized spoons, can't imagine him feeding himself with those, but I might be under-estimating him.

He chose a potty and had no problems to pee in it. Wonderful :)

After breakfast we went outside. Ok, it was a bit boring, not too much "attractions" for such young boy (he is the youngest, but he can keep up with the older kids both running and playing, the teachers thought he was older), he was playing with two huge cars (but would probably appreciate a smaller one he could lift up on his own), running after a ball or just wandering around. I left him there alone for about 5 mins in order to get my phone. He made it without a cry. So tomorrow I will try to leave more often. The other crying kids made him somewhat anxious.

Even though the teachers are very traditional, saying "no" instead of "yes" (what the kids should do instead of what they shouldn't), distracting crying kids instead of acknowledging their feelings, I have a good feeling about them, they seem to care. Of course, I wouldn't be fine with him being there full-time, for a full-time I would probably choose a Montessori kindergarten. The ration what I get for what I pay for is great.

After an hour outside we left to talk to my employer. A few weeks ago I was informed they moved to another building, so we went there (it is a bit further than the other building). Teodor fell asleep on my back when we got off the bus, found out the employer is not there and I should go to the original building, I felt like dying, I should learn to babywear in the wrap, the carrier is no longer very comfy, found the employer, everything is fine, they know I am not coming, info in the system is correct, I could go home in peace. Only if Teodor didn't wake up after 40 mins of his nap. That was desperately too little considering how "much" he slept at night. Well, survived the afternoon with him even though I was sick like f**k, he is probably teething, so he is super-clingy...

The secret ingredient

Lately as I am edgy, tired, annoyed, etc. I realized that the most important to keep it calm at home is to be calm and well-rested yourself. When the first trimester nausea and tiredness entered our life, my beautifully calm relationship with our son changed, there was so much more tantrums from his side and mine too. Before I wouldn't shout at him for weeks, but suddenly I found myself screaming and realizing I'm screaming for no reason, it was not anything worth raising my voice. Soon I learned to stop before shouting but it requires a lot of self-control...I shouted at him in my head. It was still exhausting. And then, one day, I went to sleep with him at about 18:30. It was relieving. We woke up around 6am, but I felt ok, I felt like I can do it the old way. Since then I'm often in bed before the sun sets down and we're doing much better with Teodor. Plus if he wakes up at 5am (and is in a good mood, not that he is cranky because he woke up and can't fall back asleep), I can deal with it quite ok. The downside, our home is a mess. It kinda has always been, but now it's a chaos. Have to figure out how to deal with that.

Kindergarten

Tomorrow it is his first day in a kindergarten...is it even possible that my baby is about to start in public education system?
I am still quite undecided whether we keep the place or not as I am not a huge fan of public education (which makes people uniform, difference is not desired), but I am desperate for some time alone. So we are giving it a try. We might be nicely surprised or might not. As I am not going back to work, there is no problem to sign him off. Well, tomorrow is the day. The kindergarten has the stupid (old-fashioned?) policy that parents cannot stay with their child in the classroom because other children might start crying (won't they cry anyway? wouldn't it be better to explain to the other children? do I even care about other children?) but the parent can stay when they go outside, so we are coming to the kindergarten for the outside time. And maybe he will stay like for 5 minutes inside? Just to see the reaction.
Side note: If his sleep is going to get significantly disturbed by the kindergarten experiment, we will not carry on. He got his own bed yesterday and the night was a nightmare, which I do not have energy to repeat on a regular basis.

I'm sorry, but YOU...

I'm quite edgy lately, which is annoying me because it kinda disturbs our peaceful household which we used to have with Teodor, so I am annoyed because I'm edgy. I'm edgy because I am super-tired, feel sick, it's hot outside and I still have to run all the errands with a 16-months old. On the top of it I have a dog on a strike (he doesn't like his new haircut) meaning he's barking and crying at night, he is refusing to walk on our daily walks and generally he's a pain you know where.

Today Teodor was playing with the dishwasher drawer (you know those magical wheels, right?), I was not paying much attention what he was doing, so I closed it causing his fingers being squeezed in between. Of course he started crying and I wanted to "shout" at him "I'm sorry but you should be more careful", within a second I realized what I read about apologies and said "I'm sorry I squeezed your fingers.I didn't mean to" instead. The point is that the power of apology is saying that you are sorry, not blaming the other person it was their fault because if you start blaming the other person, it is not a proper apology. Saying sorry is about feeling sorry about what you had caused no matter whose "fault" it was. I could explain to him later he has to be very careful about his fingers and I promise him I would be more careful next time too. Well, I didn't go into such details because I didn't consider it necessary.